


Mmm...Cookie Dough: Ten Reasons Why Cookie Dough is Better Than a Penis

by mandykaysfic



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-19
Updated: 2014-01-19
Packaged: 2018-01-09 05:48:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1142207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandykaysfic/pseuds/mandykaysfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Delaney twins can never resist showing off what they bought on shore leave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mmm...Cookie Dough: Ten Reasons Why Cookie Dough is Better Than a Penis

**Author's Note:**

> Written for an ASCEM challenge - 'Top Ten' - write a fic using top ten lists.
> 
> There are 2 'Top Ten' lists in here: the top 10 cookie dough flavors (I picked one list from a number available; the flavors varied between lists), and 10 reasons why cookie dough is better than a penis. There were actually 28 reasons on that list, so I've included them at the end for your edification.

As soon as she stepped off the transporter pad, Ensign Ballard grinned widely and held up four bulging bags in Crewman Anderson's direction.

“Good haul then, Ballard?” 

Lindsay nodded. “You could say that. How about you?”

Lydia had been in the first group sent down for shore leave. She had another two hours on duty, but it was always a good time to be manning the transporter when the crew returned from leave where nothing had gone wrong. People were usually excited about their purchases or what they'd been doing and often stopped to chat for a few minutes or show off their bargains.

“Not as good as yours, I think.”

“You still coming to the twins' tonight?”

“Wouldn't miss it.” Lydia gave a sudden giggle. “Jenny wouldn't show me anything, but she dropped several hints. I can't wait to see what she bought.”

“I think I'll give her a run for her money this time.” Lindsay shifted her bags so they didn't tug so much on her fingers. “See you later then.” She shrugged her shoulder in such a manner as to indicate good-bye and hurried off to her quarters.

 

Twenty hundred hours saw Lindsay, Lydia, Sue Nicoletti and Brenda Jenkins outside the Delaneys' quarters, each holding carefully closed bags. They cheerfully jostled one another to get through the door when it slid open; there were only two comfortable armchairs and it was first come, first served on these occasions. The lucky ones were Sue and Lydia this time. Brenda and Lindsay took the upright chairs with good grace. The sofa was piled with bags, obviously Jenny and Megan's shopping purchases. Equally obviously the twins were not planning on sitting down in a hurry.

Jenny stood at the replicator and organized everyone's drinks. Megan handed round a platter of crudites and dip and then squeezed herself into a space on the sofa.

“Wasn't the market place the best?” exclaimed Lydia. “I'm thrilled with what I got there. Did any of you see the stall with the woven scarves?” She'd spent her time on the planet with Mia Jurot. She pulled a multi-hued length of silky material from her first bag and draped it over her shoulders. The graduated blues suited her fair coloring.

“Snap!” Brenda's scarf was a striking red, black and grey. She twisted it and tied it around her waist and then twirled on the spot. “Voila!” 

The evening proceeded with the girls showing off their purchases and trying on each others' outfits. Some time into the festivities, Megan produced a couple of bottles of one of the local alcoholic brews. Sue delved into her largest bag and brought forward something pink she declared was better than a strawberry daquiri. Lindsay's contribution was smooth and creamy and vaguely coffee flavored.

By the time they'd all sampled several of the drinks, Jenny couldn't wait any longer to hear everyone's comments and drew out a bathing costume. She swore black and blue the artfully tied length of string was a bathing costume. 

“Where's the top section?” asked Lydia, blinking confusedly at the sand colored fibers strung out between Jenny's fingers. 

“There is no top section. This it it.”

Megan held up a matching one in dark brown.

“You're never going to wear them at the Resort?” Lydia was the most conservative of the girls.

“Yup.”

“Janeway'll never stand for it.”

“She can't do anything about it. They're perfectly acceptable on any number of planets, not counting Risa. Besides, they're made from 'all natural' materials.”

What that had to do with anything was anybody's guess, but it made perfect sense to the by now somewhat inebriated girls. 

Lindsay suddenly snorted over her drink. “Dalby'll like 'em, then. He's obsessed over things being totally natural where possible.”

“But we won't be natural enough for him.” The twins stripped off the matching 'day wraps' they were modelling and got the all natural material strands in place. It was obvious they'd removed every bit of body hair. “He likes his women how nature intended.”

“Do you think he'd like this then?” Brenda whipped out a carved wooden cylinder. “It's all natural wood. I forget what tree the woman said it was made from, but she assured me the artisan modeled it on his own... er... equipment.” 

The dark red dildo was easily twelve inches long and the wood gleamed with a high polish. The anatomical variations on what they were used to were commented on as they passed it amongst themselves. 

“It's still not the real thing,” mourned Brenda, who wasn't sleeping with anyone at present.

“Sometimes it's better than the real thing,” said Jenny soothingly. “You never have to worry about sleeeping in a wet spot.”

Megan giggled. “I'll tell you what's better than that, and better than the real thing.” She paused dramatically and when all eyes were on her, she exclaimed, “Cookie dough!”

“Ooh, yes. Cookie dough is better than a penis any day of the week,” agreed Jenny.

“Are you sure about that? It would take a lot to convince me cookie dough is better than Harry any day of the week.” Lindsay couldn't resist smirking round the room.

“Well, like with this,” and Brenda held up the dildo, “there's no need to change the sheets after you've eaten it in bed.”

“No wet spots,” chorused the twins. 

“And you always want to swallow,” put in Lydia. “Well, sometimes you just don't, you know.”

“Yeah, if it's chocolate chip... who can resist that?” Brenda licked her lips.

“Mmm. Chocolate chip cookie dough,” sighed Lydia in total agreement.

“Sugar cookie flavor is pretty good too,” said Megan.

“Not so much for me. I prefer peanut butter flavor, but we're getting off the track here," said Jenny. "We still have to convince Lindsay to trade Harry in on some cookie dough.”

"You can share cookie dough,” said Megan and she went over to the replicator. “I think you all like Snickerdoodle flavor.” She brought the cookie dough back to the coffee table and invited everyone to dig in. “Let's face it, Lindsay, you and Harry are pretty exclusive, and I know neither of you want to share.” 

They all knew Megan would be willing to share Harry in a heartbeat, so Lydia jumped in with another reason. “You won't get arrested if you eat it in public.”

“Then they haven't seen Sue eat cookie dough,” said Brenda.

Everyone turned to look at Sue, who been sitting quietly sucking cookie dough off her fingers. With her head tipped back and her eyes closed, she wasn't bothering to conceal the murmurs of appreciation that escaped her lips.

“What?” she asked, finally realizing she was the center of everyone's attention. She flushed. “I actually prefer gingerbread or macaroon flavor, but this is pretty good.”

“So give us your reasons why cookie dough is better than cock,” said Brenda.

“Well, comparison shopping is really simple. So get us another flavor, Megan,” she said. “Have you guys tried Mexican wedding cake? It's delish.” Megan obediently went over to the replicator. “And you can return it if it's no good. Satisfaction is 'always' guaranteed! Um, you can make it as large as you want, and it never has an insecurity problem with its size!” she finished triumphantly.

“Oooh, and it won't wake you up when it's hard,” added Lydia. She'd broken up with Doug Bronowski because once she got to sleep, she liked to stay asleep until morning. She had no sympathy or appreciation for three a.m. booty calls.

“It's good hard or soft,” murmured Jenny over a fingertipful of cookie dough. “Is anyone up for some shortbread dough? Or wait, how about pecan sandies? I love that.”

“Could I have some oatmeal?” asked Lindsay. “I know it's boring, but I really like it.”

“Now that's not a Freudian slip over how you really feel about Harry, is it?” teased Brenda.

“Shut up,” Lindsay replied, but her tone was good-natured, and Brenda leaned over and punched her lightly on the arm.

“Oh god, I think I'm going to burst,” moaned Sue. She'd polished off the remainder of the snickerdoodle dough. “Girls, I really have to go back to my bed.”

“But I've just got the lemon cha-cha dough,” protested Megan.

Sue shook her head and slowly began to gather up her purchases.

“I'm calling it a night too, ladies,” said Lindsay.

“I've eaten too much to go and christen this.” Brenda stowed her dildo away.

Lydia stayed to help the twins tidy up. “We'll have to do it again soon,” she said as she stood at the door.

And later in Harry's quarters as Lindsay dressed to leave, she looked thoughtfully at the sheets that she wouldn't have to change and leaned in close. She kissed the tip of his nose and then whispered in Harry's ear, “ What do you think about cookie dough?”

“Mmm, chocolate,” murmured Harry sleepily, and then he rolled over.

END

**Author's Note:**

> Reasons Why Cookie Dough Is Better Than A Penis  
> 1.It's enjoyable hard or soft.   
> 2.It makes a mess, too --- but it tastes better.   
> 3.It doesn't mind if you take your anger out on it.   
> 4.You always want to swallow.   
> 5.It won't complain if you share it with friends.   
> 6.It's "quick and convenient".   
> 7.You can enjoy it more than once.   
> 8.It comes already protectively wrapped.   
> 9.You can make it as large as you want.   
> 10.If you don't finish it, you can save it for later.   
> 11.It's easier to get the kind you want.   
> 12.You can comparison-shop.   
> 13.You know what the extra weight is from.   
> 14.You can put it away when you've had enough.   
> 15.You know yours has never been eaten before.   
> 16.It won't complain if you chew on it.   
> 17.It comes chocolate flavored.   
> 18.You always know when to get rid of it.   
> 19.You can return it --- satisfaction is guaranteed.   
> 20.It's always ready to go.   
> 21.You won't get arrested if you eat it in public.   
> 22.You don't have to change the sheets if you eat it in bed.   
> 23.It won't wake you up because it's hard.   
> 24.It won't get jealous if you pick up another one.   
> 25.You can tell your friends how much you've eaten without sounding like you're bragging.   
> 26.It is very pliable.   
> 27.It's easy to pick up.   
> 28.It never has an insecurity problem with its size.


End file.
